Gabriel Romaani: The Muslim Man, Self-Mastery and Leadership in Islam

Gabriel before Islam is a interesting personality. I I sometimes try to think back because it doesn't feel like I was a non-Muslim. I mean I became Muslim when I was 19. I was a very intrigued seeking things, very curious type of person. And I broke 13 bones by by the age of nine because I was just such a crazy guy going all over mountains, uh, trees, climbing whatever I could see, escaping from my grandma's place and climbing a mountain with another boy. Like I grew up in Romania, right? So, but I was always looking for something and I was very u deeply interested in in God. So, why Islam? It's because Islam is the truth. It is the answer to every single problem of this world. >> Complete the sentence. A real man will never >> A real man will never stop leading. >> What is the first step for men to reclaim their masculinity? >> Hello everyone and welcome back to the Baraka Blueprint podcast season two. Season 2 is starting today. Alhamdulillah. I'm your host, Ibrahim Sharif. And this is the podcast for you. For you who want to become the best possible version of yourself in your faith, in your focus, and in your future. This is the podcast for you who is looking for the blueprint to success. And this is not something that is shared by me. I'm not here to give you the the blueprint to success because honestly, it's not from me. I'll narrate it to you, though. I'm your host that is here to bring you lessons that I've learned from other people. If I'm going to be honest with you, I don't sit on the knowledge. What I do have is the Quran. What I do have is the blueprint from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. this I want to share with you. What I do have is lessons that I've learned from my guests and those lessons I want to share them with you. But before I officially kick off the Baraka Blueprint podcast, I want to share with you something very personal and it is the fact that I have absolutely tried my best to make the Baraka blueprint so much more than a podcast. And I actually feel like I'm getting there slowly, but I'm getting there. I want the Baraka blueprint to be a movement, a community, a place for Muslims to better themselves, to become a better version of themselves. a place for Muslims to follow and to stick to the guidelines that Allahh has given them in the Quran by elevating themselves in din and also I want to share with people what I have learned and what has helped me to gain my location movement I want to help people to gain location independence and honestly I think this is knowledge that I don't want to gatekeep I want to give it today. So, there are two there are two updates that I want to share with you. The first one is my school community, the Hedra Hackers school community. For now, this is a freeof charge school community. And I want you to join if you are the kind of person who feels like you want to project manage your life, you want to have a better visibility on your goals, and if you want to help, if you want some help to achieve your goals, be it career-wise, location-wise, or whichever goals that require a heightened productivity of yourself. So, join my school community, Hedra Hackers. The link is in the show notes and in the description. I also have another update here, which is the fact that I have created an email education course for a 5day blueprint fully free of charge. And I've done that just for you. All you have to do is enter startyouhra.com. I repeat, startyourra.com with an h in the end. or check the show notes and the link to and the the link in the description for just by entering your email address you will get every day for five days a free lesson a lesson that I have learned an assignment that you can do and after those five days I promise you if you stick to the assignments and if you stick to what you're learning you will at least double your productivity if not triple it if not 5x it not 10x it and Allahh multiplies to whomever he wills. So join my free email education course. Again, no caveats, no strings attached. Just give your email address and you I will send you my 5day blueprint made just for you. Now let's get into season two of the Baraka blueprint. People, season two of Baraka blueprint is something that is absolutely astonishing. Every single guest that I have had has come with a lot of value packs for you guys because like I said, the Baraka blueprint is not something that's it's not knowledge that I have for you guys. I'm bringing you knowledge and value from other people and I promise you what they have to share is something you absolutely don't want to miss. So that being said, let me introduce my guest Gabriel Romani. The call with Gabriel Romani has been very eye- openening, valuepacked, very educational and very beneficial for myself and I know for a fact it will be very beneficial for you guys. We talked about the Muslim household. We talked about problems and areas of problems that we're facing as an ummah both in an individual level but also on a collective level be it in a familiar level or on a wider scale. and how we can address those. This is a very important episode and I didn't want to wait with this further down the season. I want this to be the first episode. Now, without any further ado, thank you guys for listening to this and I hope you will enjoy the first episode of season two of the Baraka Blueprint in Baraka style. We said Baraka style. Yes, we're officially live, guys. Hello everyone and welcome to yet another episode of the Balaka Blueprint podcast. This is the podcast where we talk about the secret formula, the only formula that is to build the optimal character which is following the formula of the Quran, the manual sent by Allah subhana wa ta'ala and the guidance of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam. We talk about the optimal balance between faith and focus. We talk about the optimal balance between dean and dunya. And we talk about the optimal balance that will lead you to truly lasting success. I'm your host Ibrahim Sharif. And today I am joined by a very very special guest. a guest that I had the luxury of uh meeting just seven years ago, such a long time ago, Subhan Allah, in uh another European country in France uh for a mutual dawa arrangement. Uh a brother that has had a very interesting journey pre prior to Islam and towards Islam. a brother that has a substantial experience in not only the contents creation sphere generally but specifically guiding Muslim men to build the optimal Muslim masculine persona. A brother that has substantial experience in the psychological sphere and in the educational sphere. And of course someone who has no disagreement whatsoever and no controversy. But my brother How you like it, man? How how you like your visit in Dubai so far? >> Alhamdulillah. Been here for a long time, you know. >> It's like my my second home. >> Subhan Allah. >> The first one is >> seven years. I'm still trying to process it. Subhan Allah. What uh what was once a I think this is only the second time I meet you. Right. >> Yeah. >> Subhan Allah. And uh Allah subhanana wa ta'ala accelerates times in very fascinating ways. Subhan Allah. Uh it still feels like yesterday but also not. So without any further ado, brother Jabil, first of all, thank you so much for joining and uh tuning into the Baraka Blueprint podcast. And as someone who's very fascinated by your story, I want to share with the audience of the Baraka Blueprint as well. So I'm going to start by asking you who was Gabriel before Islam? >> What a good question. Hi. Alhamdulillah. Gabriel before Islam is interesting personality. I I sometimes try to think back because it doesn't feel like I was a non-Muslim. So weird. If you ask me right now, if I just sit and think, "Oh, you at one point a Christian and then an agnostic and then finally converted to Islam." It's almost like I don't see that history anymore. Subhan Allah. This is so weird because I mean I became Muslim when I was how old was I? I was 19. Yeah, 19. So basically I spent more time as a Muslim than a non-Muslim. keeping in mind the >> the uh early stages where you're still somehow considered a Muslim, right? Uh when you're very very young. I basically spent more time being a Muslim than a non-Muslim. But I was a very um I was a very intriguing, intrigued, person. I I broke 13 bones by by the age of nine because I was just such a crazy guy going all over mountains, uh trees, climbing whatever I could see. Um I remember at the age of seven or eight, climbing a mountain with another boy by ourselves and it was like a bear and all kinds of weird stories. Yeah. Took place. I grew up in Romania, right? So it was a very different time than today's time. Like we really experienced growing up. We really experienced the environment. We really experienced I would say that that last generation that was raised on no mobile phones and screens. We're just outside whether it was cold, whether it was raining, it was winter, summer, whatever. just outside fighting, playing uh football, climbing mountains, going swimming in the local river, almost drowned one time trying to save one guy. Things I remember one time we climbed a building that was government property and we got lined up at the point of a gun, you know, by the military. Just crazy stuff, you know. There was a lot of exciting, but I was always looking for something. Gabriel was just very naughty. He wouldn't sit in one place. My mom would be like, "You're going to drive me crazy. You're going to give me a heart attack. You just she she used to say, "You're a gypsy, you know. You're just always going places. You can't stand in one place exploring, looking for things." But interestingly enough, always very religious though. Like I would wrap up the wrap the kids from our neighborhood and take them to church. You're talking about like young. No one would go from my family to church other than my grandma. But I would like wrap around all the kids and we'd have this group and we'd go to church and I would go and pray uh while on my way to school and on my way back. I would always stop at church and say a prayer. And I was very u deeply interested in in God. And I remember ordering a like a children's version of the Bible because I used to watch this series that would have on TV uh stories of the Bible. >> Okay. >> So I was very much into the faith as well. So very naughty on one side and causing problems and exploring the world and at the at the same time very intrigued and connected to the concept of faith and God and always seeking the truth and trying to understand the realities of why am I here in this world? What's my purpose? Who is God? That was a big question for me. Who is God? Yeah, that's was that was me. So the believing in God or the God consciousness at least from a surface level point of view without involving the definition of tawa was there somehow in Gabriel's heart. >> Yeah, I think so. I think there was a concept of okay something is right and something is wrong. Now I didn't it wasn't fine-tuned but definitely there was that uh that awareness. >> So why Islam? Mhm. >> So why Islam? >> Uh I believe that as Allah says, he guides whom he wills. Indeed, it's not I don't think it's arbitrary, but I think there's a um an algorithm that we don't fully understand. It's beyond our understanding. Why Allah guides or chooses someone >> could be with what Allah wants to do with him and how he wants to basically uh the job that he gives him in his dy to to fulfill a certain purpose out of bottom line is it's part of the that obviously it's hard to know I can't say that there was something in me that was special at the time that's why Allah chose me or because I was seeking the truth or anything like that because there's many people in this world that Everyone's on some sort of a journey and trying to understand what their purpose is, but many of them are not guided. There's definitely so many people who even know Islam and they're scientists in Islam, but they're not Muslims. There's definitely been a whole lot of orientalists who knew Islam probably better than you and I, even including the Arabic language, and they definitely didn't accepted Islam. So, it's hard to tell, but um I believe Allah guided me towards Islam because Gabriel in Romania before Islam didn't like Islam. I mean, we were conditioned to believe that Islam is bad due to the Ottoman history with Romania, >> of course. >> I mean, that's all I knew that Islam is bad. Right? Some shiki thing, worshiping a different god, a lot of >> Turkish religion, >> Turkish moon god, all that stuff, right? We learned lit uh literary poems and all kinds of different writings against Islam and putting down Islam. So definitely I didn't have it wasn't some like wow I like Islam or Islam sounds good. It was more like I don't like Islam. And it was only when I actually met Muslims that I was able to start looking into Islam more. But I do remember something very vividly. It used to be the show during the communist era. There would be only one show, one TV channel uh during Chiaoes's reign in Romania. It's quite young. Used to be I think it might have been something to do with National Geographic or something along those lines. But at the introduction, I would just run. I would know it's it comes at 3 p.m. on Sunday and I just want to see the intro. I could care less about everything else. But in the intro, it showed different parts of the world. I remember it showed one area where the Mining climbs the minret and he calls to prayer and I wanted to see that for some reason. There was something that would draw me towards that. >> It was a it was an Africa somewhere. It could have been like Mali or Somalia. It was one of those circular minerals. >> Subhan Allah. Yeah. But that was like I need to see that and then I just go and play again, you know, >> to break another boni when you climb it or >> Yeah. to give my mom heart attacks. Yeah. But that I remember that that was uh something and also one thing I remember again very vividly and that was not something that would appear a lot but in the news sometimes they would show the around 93 94 they would show the Bosnian war and they would show the Bosnian warriors big beard and with the those furry looking hats you know. >> Yeah. Yeah. even we have in Romania and I remember this very vividly these like roughl looking men you know with these big beards and these fur and I was like wow I was like that's so cool and that's that's pretty much it that's what I remember from the things that uh attracted me to Islam I say but it was only when I moved to Canada 98 1998 when I actually got to meet a Muslim for the first time even though there's been ro Muslims in Romania for 700 years I've never actually been able to meet a Muslim in Romania. Weirdly enough, every year we used to go towards the south side towards the Black Sea where the Muslim area is and I've never seen a mosque even though there's over 100 meas there. So, it was quite strange. So, I've never actually had an interaction and Allah knows best why. But it was only when I reached Canada I finally got to meet the first Muslims. Yeah. So, that's kind of the the story. So, why Islam? Allah guided me. Long story as to how I chose it. Maybe we can discuss that another time or there's a video that I did an interview with Eddie from the Dish. >> Yes. >> A Romanian loving Islam. Oh yes. >> Which kind of gives the whole story as to why Islam but >> I guess short because Islam is the truth. It's not because I like Islam or because I liked it or because it was something a trend at that time where people were coming to Islam or it was cool or because it was Palestine was in the news or anything like that. It sounds cool or anything like that. It's because Islam is the truth. >> It is the answer to every single problem of this world past, present and future. I believe that wholeheartedly. Yeah. 100%. Subhan Allah. Um it's very interesting how in the area that you originated from there is at least in the wider expansion of the area there is access to Islamic artifacts or Muslim but subhan Allah you had to go a bit more up north to have your first Muslim interaction. I want to touch on that as well. But before that, uh, I wanted to ask you, was there any, let me see, was there anything that sparked your looking into the religion from an adventurer's point of view? Because you mentioned that at least what I derive from your story is you are a bit of an adventurer. your adventures were very physical from a from an early age. >> Uh even though as a person I I haven't broken as many bones thankfully. subjectively speaking Annie. >> Uh but I wanted to ask the adventurer what sparked the adventure to Islam? Was there any for example was there any passage that you came through? Was there any interaction specific interaction that you had? >> Okay. So the first Muslim that I met was the same Muslim who gave me shahada. >> The same person. It was a Bosnian brother. Brother Kim. >> No way. So you you watch content about the Bosnian war and then a Bosnian. >> Exactly. It's pretty interesting, right? And um without a doubt we were quite adventurous together. Uh I don't think he minds I've said this many times but you know we used to go and cause trouble. We used to go out. We used to go party. We used to go to bars, clubs. Okay. >> Chase some girls do a bit of those things to fight. To play soccer together, football. U we did a lot of things together like we were very active, very adventurous. We're always together. And amongst these things they were doing, I remember we got uh we got we got suspended from school from getting to a big fight. It was a huge fight like about the whole school came and we're fighting with some guys and we got suspended and then we were we didn't tell our parents and we got we got suspended for seven days. So we had to like basically pretend they were going to school for seven days, but we would go and like just mess around in town and just waste time and do things, right? >> Try to cause more fights or get back with those guys. >> Did you manage to hide it though? >> Uh, no. We got My mom caught us. >> Yeah, my mom caught us. Yeah. And then, you know, his parents and it was a big issue. But so but in these things that we're doing we would always talk about Dean about Islam. He would always ask me like you know like why this and I would always ask him because he would always pray like imagine he'll be going like to clubs and stuff but then he' be like oh it's time come let's go outside let's go in the back you have to wait till I pray make sure no one crosses in front of me and he would pray and I would always watch him like wow he's putting his head on the ground. Wow. I remember Jesus putting his head on the ground in the Bible. I don't put my head on the ground when I'm Christian. So, how come he's praying more like Jesus than I am? So, all these things are going in my head, you know, and I'm looking at him. >> And then we're done. I'm like, "Oh, okay." I was like, "How was it?" It's good. It's good. Okay. Let's go back dancing. Let's go back to the club. And I asked him one time, I like, "Bro, like, why we're going to club? You're praying this and that. Like, you guys aren't you guys more strict?" He's like, "I know this is wrong. is wrong what I'm doing. But prayer is like my way. I I have to keep this way open to God because one day I'm going to stop the dancing and prayer I can't leave the prayer, >> right? Because I was like why like I don't pray. I said I just go dancing. I said it's easy just whatever. >> He's like no you have to have a connection to God. >> I know I'm wrong. This is wrong. This is bad by the way. You know so I we agree. We had this agreement. I said I'll teach you about girls and you teach him about God. Literally this was the agreement. I said, "You teach me more about God and about like, you know, your religion and I'll teach you more about going out and everything." >> I was trying to process the exchange that happened. Okay. >> It was funny, but it was in agreement. He said, "Look, I'll go out with you." And his parents, by the way, they they weren't like they just didn't want us to be together anymore. We used to hide. I used to go in the back alley with my car, pick him up. He used to jump over the fence and we used to like take off. His brother was a cab driver. Used to chase us with his cab. >> No way. >> Yeah. It was crazy, bro. >> I know, brother. He lives in the here in Dubai by the way. He's a doctor. But yeah, we used to have some funny times. He used to try to chase us and I used to run escape. So it was like a proper uh uh you know like a game. And uh but yeah, we had this agreement where I said look like I like your prayer. I like what you're doing. We always talking. I loved his like his house is always clean. His mom was always on point. She was always so humble. so welcoming and even though I was not deserving of it because I I was corrupting her son but she was very like I was I remember how clean their house was you know and he was explaining to what Tahara is and this and that and we would always always talk I mean we're going to the bar and we're talking about Islam we're going to soccer game we're talking about Islam we're going to date our girlfriends we're talking about Islam like it was always like that was the main conversation I know it's it's interesting and obviously I was a Christian that knew Christianity and he was a Muslim was practicing. Um we would always exchange and yeah we we uh discussed theology. He would always ask me what do you mean like Jesus is God what? And that's where we got into it deeper and deeper and u where I realized that this is wrong because even the Bible doesn't teach that. It's just we've corrupted the faith. we've corrupted the relationship with God. And that opened up uh my eyes. But again, I knew this the whole time, but I never he never clicked in till we've had these adventures together and these discussions and these events taking place. And he was like a brother to me, you know, no matter what. I know a lot of people like, oh, Muslims and Christians and Muslims and non-Muslims. It's not about that. He saw, he said, I always knew that you're going to become. He's like, "I always felt it." You know, I always prayed for you, right? He says, "I always prayed for you that you'll become Muslim." And I I felt there was something there, you know, because you can feel when someone's like doesn't care, is rude. And I always had that again that nature of of just trying to discover and learn and know. >> And alhamdulillah, that's how it happened. That's how it started. Just something switched in me. It flipped and started with me just leaving Christianity. I just realized that well the message of Islam is more in line with the Bible than the Christian message. >> Right. I was like so and I remember at that time I was going to a Christian high school and I would interact with the priests. I would interact with the my teachers and they just couldn't respond. And I would only I didn't know so much about the Quran but I would only bring the try to connect the Christian belief to the to the Bible. It was just not matching. And I found that wow what Islam says about Jesus that's how it seems like Jesus is even in the Bible. So I was like wow you know okay this is very important because now I was able to remove the culture and the nationality and the ethnicity and the language and look at the concept which I think a lot of people have a problem that's why a lot of da doesn't flow it's because people are stuck in nomenclature and semantics oh Islam Christianity no what's the concept behind to be in submission to God the one creator oh Jesus well no it's not really his name that's the Americanized Right. Let's look at his actual name. Oh, Muhammad, right? Like people get stuck up like it's like almost like Muhammad is Arabic and Jesus is from California, you know, and you know, we say upon all of them be peace because we >> and this is again like wow, you know, it's it's a universal concept and God is the god of everyone. Why is religion is like this and this and this? you know it's Islam is is the universal way of life for every human being whether you're from Africa or China whatever it is and that's how in my mind I was like but if God definitely he would have given a universal message a common thing for everyone no matter where you're from that to me just clicked in no doubt subh I I do have a bit of I have some follow-up questions because you mentioned some interesting points but I want to relate it back to a to a specific statement you gave earlier and that is that Allah subhana wa ta'ala guides whomever he wills and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala installs roles and positions that befit our character because each one of us and this I'm sorry this this part I'm paraphrasing uh and my own reflection of that is that we all have our own story lines. Allah subhana t is the best storyteller. So the only fitting story line is the one that fits your character the best. >> Now with that being said and I know that that it is impossible to answer that question with full clarity but it's still interesting to ask this. You mentioned that Allah subhana t has a role for us that is correlated to us accepting the guidance or not. Again paraphrasing to the question do you have an understanding to a certain extent what Gabriel's role is? Tell me. >> Yeah 100%. My role is to help men to come back to masculinity according to the Quran and Sunnah. I'm not a mufas. I'm not a I'm not a mi basically a a man who's gone through certain things in his life and has connected his development to the Quran and helping other man to get back to that fra the way Allah created us. Something has been corrupted in the last few decades. Willingly corrupted, maliciously corrupted. And that's what my life is. You know, this is what I live for. This is what I will die for. This is what I wake up for every morning. We call it the Muslim alpha. That's a label that, you know, the program that we do. It can be the psychology counseling that I do. Whatever. Everything is in the end linked to this one objective. There's many other objectives in this dunya that many other brothers are covering. Right? You might be covering some others are covering street das are covering interfaith dialogues. Others are covering just teaching and so on and all these issues that are very important for me. This is what I focus on. I do other things well but this is my main issue and I know and I believe this is what Allah put me to do. Then I have a final question uh about the transition and the journey that you went through and I'm happy that you took the segue to uh our next section uh specifically about the uh content that you are producing. Uh but I'm curious to know this. You always had the understanding and the belief and the absolute conviction of the existence of God and God's right of being worshiped and our responsibility as human beings towards that creator. Islam was a bridge or Islam completed that image. Has your vision or view of the definition of masculinity and optimal masculinity shifted from when from before your acceptance of Islam and throughout the journey? Or has it been the same? >> Good question. Excellent. I was thinking about this not too long ago as I was reflecting on some memories with my father. So growing up growing up again I was able to experience the communist era and postcommunist era the civil war in Romania and growing up I believe I saw my father with all his mistakes and issues again him being a non-Muslim right >> but I saw him as as a real man you know he would invest time in me he taught me how to be a man for example he would not tolerate lying, okay, or breaking my word. If I say something, I got to do it. It was very strict. You punish me on that. >> Mhm. >> I remember very clearly. I said I was going to in punctuality, which is a man's character. >> Right. This teaches us, the prophet teaches us, Allah teach us, right? I remember um having broken that. I went again to wander in the woods and build some treehouse and make swords out of wood and whatnot. I lost track of time and it was late two hours. Went back because the sun was setting and I was like, "Oops, think I'm late." All I could see is from far this big tall figure, you know, coming and all my friends are like, "Uh oh." So they went one that way, one that way. You know, I was left there. >> Is that how the 13th bone was broken, by the way? >> But I remember that. I remember that day though very well though. I won't forget it. And I know a lot of people are like, "Oh my god, abuse and children and rubbish." Okay, I learned a lesson. A man has to keep his word. If you're punctual, you need to be If not, there's going to be consequences. I remember my consequences. And no one could shift them away from that. Not my mom, not her crying, not nothing. Okay. But I thank her for that. That was great. That was a great lesson because, okay, even though I wasn't I was a bit late for your podcast today, but it was not my fault. I I was early in my first meeting. But you see, when someone's late, I'm not trying to pick on the brothers. I love the brothers. But when someone is late, it causes a ripple effect. >> It causes problems for you, right? you have nothing to do with the other people or it will cause problems for you. See, so people need to I I'm always 20 minutes early at least. At least it's my it's ingrained in me unless something happens. But I remember my dad taught me those things. My dad also because I would have to walk to school. Not that I would have to, but I would keep the bus money that my mom would give me and walk so I can buy ice cream and bunch of other stuff. Right. >> Smart, >> huh? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. >> So, I would go a bit earlier and you know, it's about 4 kilometer walk one way. >> It was very adventurous walk. I remember it was awesome. >> But the problem is going to school you have to cross through a certain neighborhood, a gypsy neighborhood. And I don't have anything with gypsies. I grew up with them. I love them. But some of them like other people try to fight us or take our back, stuff like that. And I would fight a lot and I would sometimes come home with ripped clothes or bruised face. And I remember my dad at that early age, he said, "All right, well, you got to choose here. Either you stop this, as in you're not going to come home bruised anymore, or I will bruise you, okay? That's going to be the worst one." But he said, "You got to do this." So he said, "I'm going to put you in karate and you can lead to learn how to fight because it seems like you don't know how to fight." I'm like, "I know how to fight. There's too many of them." like well deal with it right >> which school of karat by the way sorry for the segue >> I was in shakan to start >> me too that's nice >> to start that was the start then it progressed in advance >> yeah so uh yeah so I started he said because he said a man needs to not hand this business you need to not fight I don't want you to start fights but you need to know how to fight so again he was instilling in me these these things of masculinity which are part and parcel of Islam when I became Muslim. So I had this view as I moved things changed. I moved to the west. I moved to Canada 1998. Okay. This is a century ago. >> Two years after I was born. >> A millennium ago. >> Yes. Salam. >> Okay. So the previous millennium, the previous century. And um you know when I when I look at what happened that that there was a distortion of masculinity because again I believe it is it's done on purpose. So going through education in Canada, the concept of equality and all these things started coming around LGBTQ blah blah blah blah. >> It's it was distorted. And weirdly enough, even when I became Muslim, the early interactions at the beginning what I saw um it there was a bit weird. It was a bit shaky the whole thing about again equality, political correctness. And I was like weird because I had a certain understanding of masculinity traditional based on fra. It was pure fra. >> And culture that was in par with the >> Yeah. Without involving Islam whatsoever in Right. >> Because in Romania and till today still to an extent in certain parts a man is a man, a woman is a woman. There's no doubt about it. And the roles that go are linked to gender. Okay. Yes. Now we can see that it's bleeding into there as well. No doubt. But that's my point that things are orchestrated in a certain way to destroy this understanding and people are confused today. Imagine to the point that the most obvious thing whether you're a man or not people are confused about right and I keep telling bro sorry just pull your pants down and see right >> true it's come on so easy >> but people are like oh I don't know I don't feel like that so I think I need to cut it off I'm like subh like imagine in a certain country >> in the west you're not allowed to supposedly vote to choose your leader Unless you're a certain age. >> Yes. Yeah. >> You're also not allowed to get a tattoo supposedly or drink or go to a casino, but you can chop your thing off. >> You mentioned Sweden now, by the way. >> Imagine you can chop your you can decide to go on hormone blockers. >> And if your parents tell you no, >> they can be arrested. >> And the social services can take I know personally cases in Sweden. >> This is the the system that we're dealing with. So yeah, there was a bit of a confusion I would say. >> Okay. But alhamdulillah, I believe that Allah guided me back to, you know, people push against you. People will attack Islam. People like, you know, we're always being attacked. We're terrorists and jihad and this and that, right? >> Yeah. We're extremists. >> Toxic. >> That h made me look into it. And that's when I started realizing, wow, okay. Because, you know, we would always say, "No, no, no. We're not like that. No, no, there's no war in Islam. Islam is peace. Islamic thing is peace. It's peace. It's peace." I know a lot of people thinks, "Oh my god, what are you guys talking about?" We're not talking about terrorism. We denounce that. >> We're talking about the real concept of what does it mean to be a warrior? What does it mean to be a fighter? When and how and this and that. >> But it was always in no no, we we don't do that. No, no. Always apologizing. Oh, no, no, no. Uh peace, everything peace. And I was like, "No, wait. I'm wrong." And these people are saying, "No, no, you guys are like this, like that." So I started looking into these concepts and start realizing that yeah the Muslim man is a warrior. >> He is the epitoma of masculinity >> of course >> and this is not violence. This is not some kind of uncontrolled craze and crazy behavior where he goes on a rampage which by the way in these interestingly peaceful countries and li you find that right you find people walking to school and shooting up people >> them. Wait a second. You're in the so-called freedom world, democracy, liberalism, everything. You're supposed to have everything at the tip of your finger and >> Sweden. What happened recently? >> So then I I started I was like, "No, the Muslim man is is a warrior who knows how to control his nuffs. Who knows how to know when to let go. He knows when to hold back. He knows when to offer a soft bomb. He knows when to make a fist >> to be in control. >> To be in control." And that that's what got me. >> Yeah. And I was just wonder like and when I became a school teacher for the first time I saw the crisis in the boys. I saw the crisis in the young men those young boys who were didn't have a role model on what to build that principle on that what to model themselves according to and modeling according to something scaffolding is very important especially in developmental stages for a human being. They didn't have that. They had a distorted model of that. Be it some weird soccer player with some weird haircut and some weird behavior and saying weird things or some rap artist or some whatever. >> And I saw it as a crisis. It was a crisis. And when I moved to the Muslim lands again as a teacher, I saw it again and I said, "Subh, this is a a disaster. This is a disaster." And that's what I say, you know what? In my class with my students, my first my first assignment was grade one. Then grade three, I taught grade five. I was with the little kids, with the little boys. And then I moved to high school. And that's where it really I was in the trenches, seeing all these things, working with them, trying to explain to them these concepts and building that masculinity into them. And I saw some great results until today. Some of my students, they they remember me. They messaged me. They were this young. Just recently I was in Fuja. I came out of Salaman. Teacher Gabriel. Teacher Gabriel. You know, big guy. Yeah. This is me. I used to remember you my teacher. >> What are you doing, man? Yeah. I'm working as, you know, in the at the airport. I'm a you know, aviation engineer. And you know, I I remember our time together. We used to do this and this and this. It's amazing to see them as man. I'm married now. Alhamdulillah this and that and you where do we meet at the masjid? We didn't meet at the bar or this in the masjid bro. >> This what what I would always instill in my kids. We would pray together in the classroom bro. We would do things we would it was always linked to the dean and to Islam. Alhamdulillah. It really brings a lot of pride to see that happen. Alhamdulillah. Bro, I am trying to process which tangent to take in this conversation because there are so many topics that we can delve deeper into and subh it's a very it's a very fascinating topic because it I I I've se I've witnessed a downfall firsthand not only in the Swedish community in terms of because I've my my main experience has been in Sweden. I I'm soon to be 29. I live 27 years in Sweden >> and I've seen that both in the general sphere and within the uh Muslim sector. So you're touching on a topic that is near to heart. Uh but I'll tell you what, I'll start with this instead because it also happens to be one of the topics that uh spark a few comments, >> okay? you know, uh, under your content. And it is, it's something that because I I've consumed your content for some time. Funny thing is I started doing that after we met. So on my way back home, I transited in Norway >> and for some reason you popped up your clip with brother Eddie the Medin show. I was like, wait, this guy does content. I wasn't aware of that. I'll be very honest. I just thought you were you were just a a Romanian convert. Alhamdulillah, brother. And from then it put me on a rabbit hole. So I started to consume your Instagram uh your long form content as well. So without beating around the bush. Yes, I do definitely see that a certain content it sparks debate because the Muslim audience is consuming a certain image and a certain image is being portrayed very loudly. So in a way it will definitely pollute the waters. >> But let me take it to the main question then so that we we we we try to handle this in a structured way or the I can handle it in a structured way. Allah subhana wa ta'ala says about the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam Allah subhana wa ta'ala set the perfect example for the Muslims to follow the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam he's the perfect example deductively speaking and since he is deductively speaking the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam was the most alpha in masculinity >> 100% goes that saying what is this is the question now what is the definition of masculinity or the prophetic blueprint for masculinity >> no the prophet the prophetic blueprint for masculinity is the sunnah of the prophetam >> if a person doesn't study the sunnah or the s of the prophet he will not know fully what masculinity is he might get few pieces from here and there he might resonate with his own fra. He might see his father doing certain things but you take him bits and pieces. The only one who was in San came was maybe >> and that's why in many of my podcasts and I think people who might just sample they'll never get the right understanding of what I'm trying to say >> because never do I call to myself never I always try to substantiate what I say through evidence from the Quran Sunnah >> and I always continue to say that if you really want to understand you need to always go back to the prophet sallall alaihi wasallam's example >> and we have it we have it in the greatest detail there is nothing like the sunnah of the prophet this is one of the miracles of Islam unlike other previous prophets who they're not guaranteed that their message will be passed on even though alhamd greater understanding it has been there's a consistency amongst all the prophets the prophetam his message The Quran was guarded not only through of course the memorization of the Quran but through the sunnah of the prophet the example the context >> and that's why in the world context is so important as im Malik said it's like the ark of Noah >> whoever is on it will be safe and whoever gets off it will be destroyed so we have to understand and I always keep guys We need to and throughout my courses there's structure in such a way that it always links to an event from the life of the prophet wasallam and that's why I stand my ground quite strong on all the controversial things that I talk about >> because I believe I can substantiate it with authentic Quran and Sunnah and I will fight any liberal interpretations and political correctness even though I'm wise I don't get into discussing politics and other issues. When I talk about political connection, I talk about within the context of what's happening in this this debate or what is a manact and so on. >> So because again if we claim to follow something and we claim to we should be able to we have to bring out the proof and because these issues affect everything in our life. What's happening right now? This discussion of what is a man and a woman? >> Yes. Literally >> is at the core of all our problems. >> Okay. Oh, Palestine. Yeah. Because men are not real men. There's a bunch of cowardness in the ummah and it affects Palestine 100%. >> Oh, uh the corruption. Yeah. Well, women women are not women and that's why they're behaving like the way they are today because they don't know what a what what's hay and how a a woman should behave or what's her role. So what they're doing now, they're taking the roles of men >> thinking that they're liberated >> and they're destroying themselves and in doing so they're destroying the future of the sumi the children who are born out of some of these relationships. Can we even call them marriage? Allah knows best what's happening. Okay, I'm not going to talk about the validity of that. I'm just saying like the way they look and the children >> as the dynamic honey. the dynamics that the children are destroyed in this generational trauma. It's all the core of what we're discussing here today. Right? So if anyone wants to really understand what I teach in my courses and all that, join inshallah and we can teach you, we can learn together. >> Or if you don't want to, you don't like me for whatever reason or whatever, that's fine. No issue. >> Go and study deeply the seed of the Brussels. Not some sanitized version, not the concise version, not the political correct version. Study the s of the prophet sallallaihi wasallam. Take all the books. Look at the authenticity. Look at the historical context and understand and you'll find on every issue the best guidance. Simple. That's what I called to. You don't want to take my course, you don't want to take consume my cont. No problem. It doesn't have to be. So I'm not bothered by people being upset with me. It bothers me when they're upset with Islam. It bothers me when I say the prophet said this and Allah says that and they're upset with that. Asbar used to say, I tell you Allah, you're telling me call Abu Bakr Omar and this is Abu Bakr Omar. This is not Steven Tracy with hair. >> This is not Steven Tracy with pink and blue hair. You're talking about Iban Omar says you tell me Abbakar Omar but I'm telling you the prophet said this again no disrespect to Abuakar but you know you know the point >> but it's not comparable compared to I agree >> exactly it's it's a certain principle so that's what I what I say >> it's kind of the parallel subhan allah I saw the you mentioned the quote from when he said the sun of the prophet wasallam is like the ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar ar arc of Noah. You're either saved or you're outside of it. and if you're outside of it, you will perish. Subhan Allah. It seems like whenever you're calling someone to that blueprint and unfortunately I see a rising I was going to call it a phenomenon but a rising issue within our um let's call it the digital community right because uh the um is very digital as well. uh the answer that you get is always I I'm gonna go to that that valley or that mountain or that high place right >> it will protect me right because this is my understanding this is my observation >> I love that analogy >> literally please do feel free uh the thing is because why why did I want to say this is because you've worked with kids you've worked in the educational sector uh you uh you you you your uh subject matter is the the counseling and psychology of Muslim households and even in your school work it's from all ages >> technically >> and you also mentioned the the the aftermath parallel of one you being recognized as well because alhamdulillah that means you leave a there was this program way back I used to watch uh to to to to leave your print to leave your impression the reason why I'm bringing this up is this because like I said this is this is something I I don't even know where to begin and it is sometimes this way with problems you know because when the situation is saddening you don't know how to start deconstructing it but let's take it back to your observation of the the younger generation of Muslims in different times because I mean you you've been in the industry for a very long time you have the experience when we're talking about the understanding of our roles as people because Allahh says clearly and let me ask you right now from the position of a man as a brother I'm asking What have you noticed from the yiani from the boys from the younger boys and their understanding and their execution of masculinity early times or even in the development stages depending on their age groups. What of it is problematic? What of it contradicts the prophetic blueprint? What problems does it cause? And I was going to say where does it come from? But of course it comes from the household. The question maybe is how does it come from the household also? Okay, I'll give you an analogy as Allah tells in Quran that he always gives. Soal analogies, parables are meant to simplify things, to make us understand things. And Allah uses it a lot. A man is is um what a man should be is is like a captain, a captain of a boat. And the captain has to know a few things before he can be a captain to achieve his full purpose. First of all, well, he needs to have a boat. He has no boat. He's no captain. Makes >> sense. >> He can claim to be a captain. >> He identifies as a captain. >> Yeah, of course. >> He can a Okay. >> Number two, a captain needs to know how to sail. >> I mean, you could have a boat. What are you going to do? You need to know how to how to manage it, how to move it. >> Correct. >> Okay. And last but not least, he needs to have a course, somewhere he's going, a destination. He needs to have some sort of a direction, i.e. an objective in life, a mission. If you miss this, you're not a captain. That's kind of how man is. If he's he misses, if he doesn't have the the resources, some sort, doesn't have to be, I don't know what, but he needs to build himself. He needs to have a specific value that he has i.e. the boat. Okay. Number two, he needs to know how to use that value. Understand the dynamics of life. Okay. I.e. sail. A hikma. You don't just go hard against something that's hard because it's going to hurt you, right? Sometimes soft, sometimes hard. You need to know. Sometimes the sea is calm and it's just you're just kind of strolling through it and you're enjoying. Sometimes there's a storm and you need to know how to ride the waves. >> If not, you're broke. Your boat will be broken. That's how life is. And of course, a mission. What is the mission? I believe men suffer in all these three levels, especially the mission one. You are a man. You're brought into this life. You go to school. Okay, you're a man. You're a girl. Now that's a problem as well. People are confused about that. And then yeah, you're supposed to go to university supposedly and then get a job and then get married and have some kids and and even that is by the way debatable now because a lot of people don't do it. Even that's been broken. They don't have any direction, no mission, nothing. What is your purpose as a man in this life? It it does it's confusing. People don't know. And this is the issue with most men. And when a man doesn't have a purpose, well, he's not a real man. And he's idol. He might be following certain trends, but he will start destroying himself. He will start causing problems for others. Um, that's why there's so much crime and most men are the ones perpetrating the crimes >> because they don't know how to channel their instinctual violence because there's nothing to do that for, you know. I mean, yeah, it's a little bit of UFC and some contact sports and some martial arts. The bottom line is most people are not involved in those. The majority of men are not involved in those things, right? So Allah has given us a purpose. He's given us what to do. He's already showed us kind of what we have to do as a man. But that's been attacked and dumbed down. So the men don't follow that purpose. What is that purpose? way to establish the dean on this earth. The finetuning of it or how you and me and what our skills are as you said all this this there this something that men will develop and don't have to figure out the bottom line is the general blueprint is there for us. We don't have to walk blindly and ask ourselves why am I here? You know like as a Muslim you know why you're here. Exactly. >> You have it already. >> You already have it. It's easy. Yet still we're missing it. Still we're people are trying to unfocus us. Mhm. >> And this is the problem with most of the young boys and it's again generation that's given to them. Their parents are not going to instill this in them. Yeah. Okay. Go pray. Yeah. Fast. Okay. You're Muslim and that's it. Yeah. Okay. What else man? There's so much more to the dean than that. Because see and prayer and fasting it's common to most religions, right? No one has a problem with it. when it gets to like bigger things and establishing this dean and really that it should manage all the aspects of our life now there's a problem right so this is the main crisis the crisis of masculinity and it's more in men because men are charged with this work to be done >> women are not >> women have a supporting role yes they have very important role there's no man, no general, no king, no nothing except that was born through a woman, even prophets. So the woman's role is super. And that's why they're trying to destroy that role and reverse it and make them the main actor and the one who seeks the >> the protagonist, >> right? And get the man to fall into the passive role, >> and you can see this in the societal dynamics and how policies are being made to shift that and to change. But as you said, >> it cannot be done. It's like asking a fish to swim on sand. You're not made for that environment. >> You might be moving and jumping up and down a little bit. The bottom line is you're going to dry up after some time. And that is exactly what we see. >> So that's the main crisis with boys and girls that they don't understand their real purpose. That's already been given to us. The blueprints been given to us. It's very simple. It's very simple. We just got to do it. And we have to spend our whole life doing it. And it gives you purpose. Not just that, it gives you meaning in a world where people need to turn to drugs and alcohol and this and that because they have no meaning. They don't feel anything. Man, that job that you've been assigned is going to give you the big why. Why do I wake up? Why do I keep moving when I'm sick? Why do I keep doing even though people are criticizing me? Why are people Why? Why? Why? It's because of this for Allah. I need to do it. It drives me. It wakes me up in the morning. I wake up. I can wake up at 3:00 a.m. if I have to. Because I know I have to. I can come. I can drive. I can work. I can crawl if I have to because I have a big why. Mhm. >> And when you don't have that big why, then you have to fill it up with different little time wasters here and there, feel goods or whatever, emotions, volatility, blah blah blah. But all these things cannot, you know, that's why it's very short-lived. So people need to go to anti-depressants where a society, a world village that is consuming anti-depressant at an unprecedented rate. Why? Well, because either we feel too much and we don't know how to deal with those feelings or we don't feel anything and we want to feel. There's two. >> There's anti and then there's stimulants. >> For those who feel too much, anti-depressants. For those who don't feel enough, shoot whatever. >> Right. So that's why I can definitely understand that if there is a confusion from a young age, especially if it comes from a certain institution or how how how the roles are institutionalized early. I can definitely see how boys and girls start to fill the gaps and suddenly they are lost in the forest and they have to make sense of what is poison and what is fruit and ultimately that ends up affecting them uh later in their lives be it in their marriages uh be and this this part now I'm going to assume be it in their parental journeys as well uh and just like the example you gave earlier of a cascade effect. Uh it affects other things, other things that maybe are not directly correlated to you. For example, the the wide the wider weakness in a demographic of masculinity leads to the what harder times, the more difficult times, uh the wider rise of oppression and the wider rise of lack of resistance to whenever you see tyranny or whatever, right? What I want to ask you then is having observed that be be it both in the aspect of schools where you can change or pivot the direction that these kids are taking from something that is harmful to something that is more related to the or like more to their core and to to their purpose. to even the um I was going to say the elder generation but to to I mean to to those as they grow up >> what are you doing to change that what role do you play obviously everything starts with awareness that's the first point >> okay >> so through the content that I create even though some people are upset It definitely raises awareness. I'll give you an example. this is not to show off or to put myself in a position that I don't deserve, but I want people to understand. And it's not about me, but before there was the popularity of podcasts >> and these discussions, they're not very common. So, one of the first podcast I did was for the channel. >> Oh, yes. >> Okay. And that was called Mashab Youth Issues. And that show was played for many years. Now, this show was 2010 or 11 talking about 15 years ago. I was talking about masculinity where brother Hisham who's now mashallah big sheh uh you know for those who don't know Hisham they can look him up he was one of my students at almanar >> just down the street from here not far Quran study center >> I remember I used to give him assignments and he used to be one of the more courageous ones who would uh take it upon himself to dobba And now mashallah he is aw and everything but uh he was a little boy u also other guys bulock brother bulock mashallah >> yes >> him also he was just a he's just a boy now he's a mah he's a man you know so we were talking about these We were raising awareness. Again, it was not popular at all. >> Talking about 2010, 11. No one was really talking about masculinity and >> what boys go through and all this. >> I was talking about these things again because I was seeing these things, working with them in the field. M. The show was really good. It was aired on Saudi channel and so many until late. And I think the last time I saw it was uh someone sent me a video of it. They were taking the train from uh Jedda to to to Mecca. >> Oh yeah. >> And it was on the on the screen there like look at who's on. They sent me a WhatsApp video and it was like maybe four or five years ago. >> Anyway, >> then it moved on. I kept working on it. So I was a teacher then I became a school principal. I became a general director for many schools here in the UAE then Malaysia. So I was dealing at some point with seven, eight, 10 schools at the same time, right? Managing and and checking the all the issues, all the problems that were happening with the students and their parents were coming through my office. So you can imagine that I had a good sample population of knowing that these are not isolated cases. A lot of people people ask me, bro, the stuff that you talk about, isn't it because you're just dealing with the problems and you have a few people coming with the problems to you? >> I'm like, no, that's not how it works. You look at how many people, you look at the sample population. When the sample population becomes substantial showing trends and the same issues, now you can actually take out some statistics out of it. So 2019 19 puts a video out with him knitting, teaching his kids how to knit with some orange thing and whatnot. >> I remember that. Yes. >> So I criticized it. And again review reviewing that video even some of the Mashiah that I you know they seen and supported me they said there was nothing wrong with it there some people lost it how dare I you know what I mean I didn't attack the brother I didn't disrespect him people found it like that many brothers students of knowledge mash said there's nothing wrong with it he's you're saying the right thing they thought I have a problem with knitting or it's not whatever they start saying that problem used to sew his clothes and I'm like sewing and knitting is that was not the issue My issue was that in this volatile environment when men don't know how to be men, now you're putting out as a man knitting, which is usually traditionally considered a more feminine thing. >> Okay? >> I grew up seeing my grandma knitting and you know, things like that. I'm not saying that men cannot sew or something like that when there's a need and so on, but to do it as a hobby and stuff like that when there's other hobbies that need to be pushed in these boys, right? Masculine hobbies, manly hobbies. Bottom line is people made about knitting. It was not about knitting. I was trying to >> I was trying to raise the awareness to the fact that we need to focus on more manly activities especially for a person has a huge following to guide and encourage young men to do more manly things. Bottom line is there was an Alazer uh correspondent who wrote an article and said Gabriel Romani started you know criticizing and this >> how did I miss that? >> Yeah, I can send it to >> really please. >> Yeah. And um basically I was uh I was charged with uh starting the whole Muslim manosphere discussion and blah blah blah. And I was like alhamdulillah because really if you think about it after that video and after my videos became a bit more popular all of a sudden there was the rise of podcasters and guys speaking about masculinity. Before that I can challenge people to really see who was it. >> I don't remember who really was talking about this subject. >> No no no. Okay, not just that who was it that was putting any videos of them boxing or doing these events or horse riding or right some people maybe here and there but I'm talking about it became such a >> as a trendy >> a trend as a trend before no >> after this and I'd like to say that alhamdulillah with that awareness maybe some people were upset but raising that was my role that is my role till today awareness education okay raise awareness there's a problem educate i.e. This is the solution. This is my role. >> I want to touch on that specifically because I didn't notice this and I saw I saw the reactions. Uh I and I saw the the the the polarizing image. I saw both those that supported and I saw those that criticized. there's one thing that I noticed here and I noticed a pattern. the pattern that I noticed and this is this is not a qualified professional or a trained professional or a prof professional who has studied this uh I'm a consumer. my observation as a consumer of the content was that I took a look at the reaction in the comments and the trending theme or the words that I kept hearing was saying that this is and I heard this with other content as well or with other forms of criticism. It was called toxic masculinity. Now I'm going to be very honest with you. I'm very picky when it comes to understanding concepts or words, right? So, I want it to be explained very clearly to me. So, I asked the question. I've engaged with some of those um people. Um I'm talking about people that I personally spoke to. >> Uh people that personally brought up your video and said this is toxic masculinity. I'm talking about both men and women. So, by the way, anyway, um, so when I whenever I ask the question, what is that? I I'm not I'm not trying to start a conversation. Um, to be very honest, when the video came up, I personally had no stance because I had other problems to deal with. I I had other priorities. I didn't I didn't immediately see an issue with the video that our brother may Allah bless him that he posted. Um we can definitely discuss Yi the the value of the reaction that Yani came out with and the the wider image and the wider that that is being triggered by this. But I'm going to be honest with you at that moment I didn't have a reaction. I was like okay I I definitely agreed. I agreed that there are certain aspects of Rojula that is not being portrayed and is not being talked about enough and is acts to be talked about because we are living in societies of confusion. And now I'm speaking specifically about the digital sphere of course you go from country to country it's different right? So anyway I'm telling you this because I want you to know what kind of person asked the question. So I asked the question, okay, what is this concept that you're telling me? I'm asking out of ignorance. I really want to know. I never got clear answers. I got, how do you say? I got emotional answers. So So I'll tell you what I did. I thought about it today as well uh on the way to the venue. So I actually looked it up and then had a few models explain this to me. AI models, right? I think I have an understanding of what they mean. And this I think this is a situation where they are saying something but they mean something else. Personally and I'm saying this out of humility and ignorance. I don't fully see the the concepts because masculinity is masculinity. There can be toxic effects of certain actions, right? But there is a clear definition of what is feminine, what is masculine. So with that being said, the question that I wanted to finally land on is this. What exactly is you from what you have seen? What is it that is being pointed at as toxic masculinity? What is the problem with or do you see a problem with this terminology? how can one make a clear distinction as to what is a toxic effect of understanding of roles? Because this goes both ways. Uh a household takes the two genders. The so the society and the function of society takes two genders. So similarly people need to know their roles just like a company needs to have functioning roles and directors and whatnot. So how can one distinguish this idea whatever this question mark is from the prophetic blueprint of what is femininity and masculinity the Islamic blueprint of what is the Islamic the the feminine role and the masculine role. And thank you for taking up this tornado of a question by the way because I I noticed how like I told you it's a very passionate topic and that's why >> no doubt no doubt it's a good question. >> So number one I always say tell people as you said concepts need to be understood. Don't get stuck in semantics. >> Don't get stuck in just the words like look behind just the the jargon the terminology. So what is toxic masculinity? What is the concept behind it? Is mas masculinity toxic? First of all, what is masculinity? Who defines it? To us as Muslims, we've made it already clear in the previous discussion that it is the perfect man, the leader of masculam. Which means as Muslims I don't the issue I'll probably have a different discussion with the non-Muslims that's a different story but for the Muslims I hope we agree that he is the real masculine man >> and the masculinity is defined based on him >> meaning anything that he has done and can be substantiated by proof you cannot go against it and call it toxic or >> okay all right Good. So I hope our brothers and sisters understand that with the non-Muslims I can have a separate discussion in another course. >> All right. So having said that the concept of toxic masculinity is a new construct is a part of the whole uh woke agenda that's been put on. So for a lot of people whatever doesn't align with that agenda within masculinity it will be toxic. >> Allah subhana tala created Adam first. He did not create Adam and Eve at the same time. >> No. So >> nor did he ask the angels to make prostration to Adam and Eve. He only asked him to make prostration to Adam. Even though he mentions Eve throughout the other verses and so on, he mentions that both of them. Yes, exactly. >> Both of them ate both of them committed the mistakes. So the man is the Allah talks. >> Okay. He is the leader. There is no clearly no equality. I'm going to say it again. There's no equality amongst men and women. >> Impossible. In purpose, in gender, in whatever you want to call it, >> okay, in this dunya, >> I know that's that's toxic masculinity for probably most of the world, including many Muslims. Just that me saying that there's no equality can rub people the wrong way. But you just go, they'll try to explain, well, it's like men and women are not exactly the same, but they're equal. What does that mean? What do you mean not the same, but equal? What does that mean? Okay. Does is a triangle and a square the same? No, they're not. I'm sorry. They're not equal. Even in angles, they're not equal in anything. No. But again, they just try to explain something to be politically correct. So people don't get upset. >> Become semantics. >> Yeah. So calm down. It's just the way it is. Men and women are not equal. It's as simple as that. They're different. They're not equal. They're this. They're that. But guess what? In this world, equality doesn't necessarily mean fairness and fairness does not doesn't always mean equality. >> Okay? I can give uh five children the same size shoes and that's equality. Same color, all of them size 10. It's equality. But guess what? They're of different ages, different genders. It's not going to fit them. or I can choose to measure each one's foot and give them the one that fits them. And that's fairness. [Music] >> Again, we get stuck. People get stuck. They get upset. So, anything that goes against the agenda and political critics of today will be labeled as toxic masculinity. That's what I would say. Mhm. >> There can be bad males who can behave toxically who are bad men 100% just like they can be bad women. >> You want to call it toxic, you want to call it evil, you want whatever it is. Don't get stuck in the the words. But there's this toxic masculinity is just a construct to dismiss the problem that we are faced with today that men like myself and you and others are trying to bring back the reality in front of people because the same thing that supposedly and that is the uh the irony of it supposed to free people and improve their lives. the same thing that enslaved them and destroyed. Just look at what we're going through. We're living in the most the freest the world has ever been. We have the most opportunities and ease of life. Machines supposedly are supposed to serve us yet we've become servants to them. We become enslaved to them. Mhm. >> So in reality, the masculinity that the prophet sallallaihi wasallam preached that we preach is to going back to that the what we're supposed to be at. >> Yep. >> And anyone, you know, you claim and you prove and you substantiate with evidence and people are going to be like, "No, no, this is toxic to dismiss it. No, this is the not the right time. You're talking about back in the centuries ago and this and this is not." So now they're negating and denying the fact that Islam came to address all times and to be a solution for all times, not for only 1,400 years ago. This causes a problem. It exposes the agenda. It exposes the liberal Muslims. And sadly, I would say they're okay. Only the non-Muslims. No, the non-Muslims at least, they don't have the same measuring stick. That's why I didn't want to speak to them right now. I want to speak to the Muslims who claim that they believe in the prophetam. They believe that he is the best man. And when you find this whole equality movement, the prophet wasallam never assigned the khalifa to be a woman. If he wanted to make that equality, he would have clearly stated it and made it clear for the whole rest of humanity to always know that wow women can be khalifas as well. It's not because women are bad or something. It's because they're not meant for that purpose. They're meant to give birth to khalifas and to prophets and to real men, but they're not supposed to be to be men. >> And the world today is telling them, "No, no, no. Be men. You women can be the same as men or better than men." The funny thing is that's the again the irony of of feminism is that it it made them become what they hated so much because now women are men. They they want to be men. They want to be everything that men are or is. And in doing so, they lost themselves and they become actually worse than men. They became a bad version of men. How is that how is that affecting Muslim households? Because divorce rates are on the rise. >> Not just in among secular households, it's on the rise in Islamic households as well. Now figures and whatn not one can sit and delve deeply into that but >> 52% >> 52% yes >> and 77 initiated by women now >> good god >> and now what's the parallel >> and now there's the no fault divorce that's coming into Muslim countries so what the no fault divorce >> what does that mean >> so even Dubai recently announced two weeks ago that this is now the case here in our Muslim countries and basically it allows woman to uh to seek divorce without reason. >> Uhhuh. So it would be like what a version or >> Yeah. But I don't I don't have a reason. So I just don't like I don't want to be married to this guy more. I'm out. >> It's been in the in the western countries for a long time. >> But uh now it's uh it's going to go even worse obviously even here in Muslim countries because in the Muslim countries at least we're holding the fort a little bit. The rates are not so high. >> No. No. But they are increasing a lot like Saudi Arabia is one of the countries that has the most divorce rates right now. The highest divorce rate >> but that must come from somewhere and and okay we know where it comes from. Of course, from your counseling experience and from what you have observed between couples and what okay what is a in in per your observation what is a trending or the the trending cause and what can we do both collectively and also individually to to prevent this because it's it's it's it's damaging households and at the wider effect it will damage communities. >> Yeah. So imagine again I'll give you an >> imagine people like soccer or football whatever you want to call it. >> Cool. >> In Europe we call it football kids >> I think they call it. >> No it's football >> football. the team has 11 players. The objective of the team is to >> win. >> Win. But to win, they have to play together. >> Exactly. >> To play together, they have to stick to their positions. >> Anyone lives their position, it leaves a gap, someone has to fill, which means he's going to have to leave his position, leave a gap, and so on and so forth. >> If the goalie, who's usually the goalkeeper, >> doesn't get as much attention, you know, it's not so exciting. Okay. It's usually the forward, the striker who gets >> and I'm a goalkeeper, Yani Alani. So, yes, I felt it in my heart when we don't get much attention. >> But they're very important though, >> Because if that goalie doesn't reach his hand out, doesn't jump or even leaves his post a little bit. Exactly. >> Needs to stay close to the line. >> Oh, you can play as good as you want to, but if you get goals scored against, you're done. You can be the best forward and in the highlights and Ronaldo, whatever. >> Bottom line is you get scored and you lose. the women are the goalie. They're the ones who don't get so much attention because it's better for them not to. >> But why? >> Because they when they get a lot of attention, it causes a power imbalance in the world. For example, why are men not told to wear hijab but women are told to wear hijab. >> Because it will re reestablish a balance of value. A woman without hijab will incite desire in a man. >> Hovering will reestablish the value a little bit. Okay. That's why called because from bourj like or bourjifa you can see it from far. It's more noticeable. >> Ah >> right. So when a woman shows off you can see her value easy. It will attract you. It will >> wow. For a man to see his value is not that he needs to perform. He needs to show. He needs to work. >> Okay. It's not the same. So there's an imbalance you understand women have more advantage because especially when they show their values. So for women it's better to be more put and that's why the laws of Islam you'll see it connects to that. It keeps them more on the put. The goalies protect the net protect the team. Today's women left the goal. They want to be the forward because the forward gets the claps, gets the, you know, it's exciting. Score goals. Wow. >> But in doing so, they left the net open. Not just that, but usually the goalie is not such a good scorer. You might be able to hit some goals. And I'm not saying there's been some goalies who scored some goals, but it's very rare. They're not that good at that. >> It's not the rule. >> Yeah, it's not the rule. And that's kind of what happened. Okay. They've all been pushed to be the Fords, the ones in the spotlight, the ones who are chasing things. And they're not being created for that. It's not their role to be in that. And that what happens is they and one of their roles is to nurture children. And that's where the generations are, the trauma, generational trauma gets pushed on because they're not doing their job at raising children. they are um outsourcing it to different organizations quite early now so they can go and chase the forward position i.e job i.e career. >> They outsource to crash or whatever you call it early child care centers. I mean some children are being sent to be taken care of at the age of even before the age of two. >> Yeah. Yeah. So why the woman gets what? She gets a what's called the maternal leave but then she has to go back to work. And what happens to that child? Well, they get put into the care of >> home. Okay. >> Okay. and and and I'm not going to get into right now the issue of homeschooling and schooling but that's what is so the child is raised by the the society as opposed to by the mother why so that the mother can be the goal scorer or the forward so what Allah has created her for she's not that good at goal scoring by the way I'm sorry sisters you're not very good at being CEOs you're not very good at being generals of armes and that's why you find that there in general most women occupy some of the soft skill positions like journalist ISM and social studies and social. Again, 95% of uh of jobs in engineering is men. 98% mechanics, field operators. The jobs that make the world move, man, are by men and men have always done it and men will always do it. I know that there's now representation of women being pushed, but bottom line is it just doesn't work. >> I'm not going to argue that there are some women there. Anomalies don't argue nature >> and and some women can do well. Not saying that, but anomalies don't argue nature. >> Exactly. Right. By default, the general is not they don't they're not good at that. But they left what they're good at. Just like there's some men who are trying to get them pregnant now and be mothers and take care of children. >> Doesn't work, man. >> But there are some men who are doing it. Some men are okay at it. I guess >> we flip things. So because women, but it's more women who have made this exodus from their position. Okay. In mass, there's been a mass exodus. And not men. You don't see men going to the kitchen and being a housewife. You don't see women sitting there and fantasizing, I'm going to marry a man and pay him m and provide for him. I can't wait to raise his children and and take care of him and buy him gifts. >> Yeah. It just sounds weird, >> right? You don't see women doing that, right? But women have been pushed and they've taken these positions yet trying to still sometimes hold to the feminine position. But men have not been given the same you know they not been disconnected from their role. They're still meant to do manly things and so on and so forth. So bottom line is women have u not been able to do their jobs. In doing so the main job of nurturing and raising children and because of that kids are raised improperly. men have to now fill in some of that work for them, right? Because women are now busy doing other things. So now you have like the 50/50 thing where the man is also now having to play the mother's role. >> But funny enough, she's not playing his role because a lot of times women are not going to share into the resources. They're not going to uh accept that. Okay, I have to also contribute and men probably don't even feel good about accepting that. But uh women have given up their position. and it's affecting the children. It's not the only thing. Yes, men also have their faults because they're not good role models, but at the core of the problem is this, especially because it is women's influence that matters so much in those foundational stages of de development for children. That is why at that stage you find women being teachers and right when it talks about developmental stages early ages was mostly female teachers kindergarten female teachers for the grade 1 2 3 4 and so on because they're the best at this but if they're not there what they can do if they're not there to nurture these children because they're chasing a job it destabilizes society and one of the reasons why children are so confused and lacking purpose is because mothers have not done their role. >> And fathers now having to pick up some of this work as well because they're expected to now. He needs to also he needs to give up from his role from his position, right? And come and compensate to help the woman because she's suffering because she's so busy and tired from work and being CEO that now she can't do all that work for the child. She doesn't even like it actually because she's not getting all those highlights and the applauses and the cheering on, right? Being a mother, it's a shame to be housewife and and a stay-home mother. Society looks down upon a and a woman who stays at home. So, but you don't find men calling his wife and saying, "Hey honey, you know, I had a long day today, eight hours. I still have like two, three hours. Can you just come and like I'll go in the car and sleep for a few hours and you come and do my job?" But you'll find women be like, I can't deal with these children. You come need to take them, pick them up and do things. Why can't you deal with it? Obviously, because you work nine hours being the CEO and the boss babe in a company and dealing with so many different people which uh made you leave your hustle and your position that you're supposed to do. So when people are not in the right spot and they're not doing the right job that they were created for and they're moving around on different places doing other people's jobs, >> the company will fail. Imagine you're in a a company and the guy who's a cleaner is trying to uh do the accountant's role and he's getting involved all the time and the accountants try to everyone's playing. You think that company is going to succeed, right? >> It's going to crumble >> especially especially when they've been assigned for that purpose. >> They're they know how to do that purpose. >> What about the situation of a doctor? I know I know I may be presenting an anomaly but at the end of the day if I if I bring my wife for a checkup I'm gonna want to have a female doctor >> and a female doctor is also building up her career and taking her studies and >> how do we reconcile such a situation at least as as much of an observer as I am >> the question that I'm thinking about is okay um there there is the the maternal role at play >> and at the same time. Let's say there is a um desire and passion and a um drive to make a net positive impact in society for her as a doctor because she can make a net positive impact and at the same time it will enable people let's say like myself that want to bring your wife to a doctor. Exactly. Yes. So I'm assuming you've heard that a couple of times the balance final balance. >> Yeah. So definitely this is uh from the what's called the fartifas that we have to fulfill in our communities but they're not far women are making a far now everyone's to be to use this as an example to excuse themselves to seek some sort of weird career that is I don't know probably maybe not even beneficial we need women to be doctors we We need them to be nurses. We need to be teachers 100%. We need >> Yes. The the community needs to and and it needs to go back to the female's intention. Does she really intend to do this as a form of da'ah to fulfill that to help the sisters and help the um or she just using as an excuse to escape her household and to be a man? It goes down to that point. It needs to be done. But so many women now are using that to just want to escape their motherhood and their them being wives. So it's a it's a manipulation of that issue. 100% I agree with you. This is part of our um we need to do it. I encourage some sisters to do that. It's very important. We need it. I need it. You need it. The women need it. But not all the women are using this argument and it doesn't apply to them. This is not a far. >> Uh, a final question before I get to a quick fire round. You took the analogy of a football pitch when you talked about a functioning cohesive team. Now, unfortunat I'm gonna say unfortunately as a person with a former and even a somewhat ongoing addiction to a game called FIFA, uh I played this game mode called Ultimate Team where you connect players and depending on their connection, especially way way back, you had green links and they they work very well together. You have yellow links, they work somewhat okay. Red links, they don't work together at all. Okay, >> where is the red link? between the uh man and the women specifically in a spousal household. Where is the where's the disconnect? The disconnect is what's called the twoman problem. It originate in academia. And what it means is that say me and you are have spent a long time doing studying whatever and now we're both paying for the same job even though we were great colleagues for some time. Um but now there's one job to be done and we're both kind of fulfilling that job. >> Okay. And uh in doing so there's going to be some friction. >> And it's subconscious. But today the modern couple both husband and the wife are trying to be the leader and it doesn't work. It doesn't work just like maybe you know but it's like bro right as Allah Ysefam is saying to many lords are they equal to one >> and he's explaining to them because it's it doesn't make sense and he's talking to some people in jail who are not experts in dean or whatnot. But it makes sense like what do you think multiple bosses and multiple god? No, there's only one. There's only one who can hold that position. But both of them are struggling now for who is the captain of the ship. You understand? >> And while women can now play a uh a mixed strategy of being a passenger and a captain, men uh they're not going to be respected to be a passenger. >> No, they They, you know, women can play that mixed strategy. Depends. They can work and have their own ship supposedly. And sometimes if they find a captain with a better ship than theirs, they'll jump in and be a passenger now. Why not? But men, no one respects a passenger man. Okay. Who's going to piggy back off a woman or, you know, go with her? She's going to be the provider. I mean, there's some people are trying to push that, but it just doesn't work in general. It does not work. So this is the disconnect. Okay. Both of them are trying to be the captain and there can only be one captain on a ship, bro. >> It's just the way it is. >> And that's causing now who is trying to take the uh leadership is the woman. Why? Because she's been pushed and told that if you don't do, there's that fear that's been instilled in her. It's called the fear of missing out. >> Okay. the fear of missing out. That if you stay somehow in the position that God created you, you're going to miss out on life. And in doing so, in competing for that position, they've lost themselves. Now, fe they they're females, but they lost their femininity because to be able to compete in that very it's a very very dogged dog world, man, you need to develop masculine skills. >> You need to know how to fight. You need to know how to push and in doing so you will lose that softness of femininity that beautiful be that makes them beautiful the way they are the way Allah created them. And that causes an issue because men are not attracted to in general to masculine women, right? And it causes there's just so many problems that come out of that. And also women and then become very masculine, not attracted to a man who's going to have to compromise and step down and become more passive or more feminine to be able to allow her to now take that position. And that's what they can never be two people. this whole like co- co-work co- doing it together doesn't work because it's against the principles of life. There has to be a power imbalance in the world for things to move. Things don't move when there's two equal opposite forces. It doesn't move, bro. One of them has to be more powerful than the other one. It needs to be a transfer. So that's why brother brother Gabriel uh which may Allah subhana tala make us from those that worship him to the best of our abilities and qualities >> and may he and may he bless our path to righteousness and uh to adhere to the blueprint that Allahh gave us. >> Uh I want I really want to continue this conversation and we need to have another episode where we continue uh these very interesting topics. But before I let you go, I'm going to move on to some quickfire questions. Uh, and as a final to our viewers of the baraka blueprint, I'm going to give you some questions. Uh, and you answer them to the best of your ability, inshallah. Uh, and it's related to the topic that we discussed. So, complete the sentence. A real man will never. >> Wow, that's so deep. >> I can't because there's so many. My mind is going in 10 different directions. >> How about this? What is the first negotiable? >> A real man will never stop leading. Okay, then what is one masculine trait that most men today are missing? Consistency. >> Awaken. Then how do you how do you define success in one sentence? >> What's and beside the conventional and the the obligatory uh Quran and what we can get our hands on from the compilation of the sun of What is one book that Muslim men must read or should read? Okay. And finally, what is one unpopular truth you will never stop saying? One unpopular truth I'll never stop saying. Polygyny needs to be a sunnah that needs to be upheld, upheld, and not allowed to be destroyed. >> Is it misunderstood or misused? >> Misus and misunderstood. >> Then we have something to talk about in our next episode. But until then, brother Gabriel, thank you so much. This is your camera. Do you have any last message to the viewers of the Baraka Blueprint? Any final golden advice that you want to give them? >> Always do your best. You know, and you only know and Allah knows whether you're trying your best or not. Other people don't know. You can fool people, but you cannot fool yourself and you cannot fool Allah. maybe don't have the resources that I don't know which podcaster or coach online or popular figure has but you can do your best with what you have today and in doing so you can become better tomorrow than you are today. Progress is what you measure yourself according to. It's you against you. Don't worry about everyone else. Do your best. Keep trying and keep fighting. It's been a pleasure and Absolute honor. May Allah bless you and reward you for the you shared with us. Brother Gabriel, thank you so much for your time, for your knowledge, and for the effort that you put, and for being the pilot guest in season two of the Baraka Blueprint. Thank you guys so very much for tuning in to the Baraka Blueprint podcast. Before I let you go, I want to share my recommendation to join Gabriel's personal initiative, Muslim Alpha. This is a fantastic initiative and this is something that I am a part of. So I am definitely not speaking number one. I was not told to say this by anyone uh be it Gabriel or anybody else. This is me strictly forming my own opinions based on my own usage of this platform. I definitely recommend joining Muslim Alpha and to become a member. If you want to become a member, just join the link in the show notes and check it out. Highly recommended. And before I let you guys go, I want to again urge you to do one of two things. Number one, if you are serious about upskilling yourself and upskilling your inventory and reaching a closer position to your goal in your hijra or landing your dream career, I think me and my community can help you out because at the start as this is something that I am learning as well and the main test subject of that community is myself. I am learning as I go and I help teach my audience. This I think is one of the most authentic educational experiences that you will have. So if you are interested, I recommend joining my school community and the link is in the show notes. And the second thing that I wanted to tell you guys is about the email education course that I have also launched fully free of charge and that is at startyouhra.com. I repeat, startyouhra.com. The link is also in the show notes. That being said, thank you for tuning in to season 2, episode one of the Baraka Blueprint If you like what you've seen, please make sure to follow and subscribe to this podcast to stay uptodate for upcoming episodes with very exciting guests. If you like this video, well, make sure to reflect it with the actual like. uh leave the uh notification bell turned on if you want to be notified for every episode that is being launched and for every video that I publish on this channel. That being said, I'll see you on the next episode. And remember, every day is about bettering yourself, even if it is half a percentage. Allah subhana wa tala says in the Quran Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala does not change a condition of a people lest they change the condition within themselves. My dear listener this is your chance to change yourself. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has sent you this video clip for a reason. The reason is that there is something that you may need to change. And this is not Ibraim being special. I'm going to be very honest with you guys. Ibraim has nothing special to deliver you guys. But maybe Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has made it possible that there is one thing that I have that will be the final puzzle piece for you. If that is the case, my only recommendation to you is see this as a sign. See this as a sign that you may want to develop something with yourself. Doesn't have to be through any of my products that I don't charge for. By the way, doesn't have to be any of that. I'm just saying this very generally. Very generally saying this that you may want to take this as a piece of advice to change something. So, that being said, the purpose of the Baraka blueprint is to generate as much value as possible. And I pray that some of that value has provided you with some benefit. Stay focused, stay faithful, and stay productive. and style.